Just admit it. No one like pumpkin pie

My mom called me a few days ago to ask an important question. “I’m just wondering,” she says. “Is it ok, if — now feel free to say ‘no’ — we have apple cake instead of pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving. Last year, everyone just took a tiny little sliver of the pie, and rest just went to waste. I don’t think anyone likes it!”

Mom, you’re right. No one like pumpkin pie. I have one sitting in my refrigerator right now that my husband made in a fit of fall seasonal-iness. (Just making up words here!) We ate two pieces, and the remainder is still taking up room next to the coffee creamer. Right now as I type this, I feel like I should go throw it out. But I won’t. Special holiday food has a sacredness to it (like a present from a dead relative, a holy scripture or my pile of plastic shopping bags that collect under the sink out of guilt that I forgot my reusable tote, yet again). It can only be tossed in the trash when it actually starts to grow mold.

Yes, I don’t like pumpkin pie. While I’m making this confession, let come grinch-like clean with my other seasonal dislikes:

• Turkey (most of the time) It’s so dry!
• Apple cider. Too coyingly sweet.
• Christmas/Easter ham. Out of all the ways of cooking pork, why this one?
• S’mores. Love to camp; hate s’mores. Ugh…. marshmallows
• Peeps. Yuck, more marshmallows
• Frosting! And most birthday cakes. Yes, I’m the fussy eater at the office birthday parties that just picks at my store bought slice of cake.